Cracking Eggheads

     Do a Google search on how to write an author's bio for yourself.  I'll wait here, but you will be a while. It should be in third person.  No wait!  First person if you are sending query letters.  Talk about your life, or don't if you happen to be a hausfrau who is only dreaming of being a novelist.  Join a group and pay them a fee so you can out the group's name in the bio, but only if you've been published in that genre and only if you've been published by the right people.  Put in your educational background - but wait, you may not want to if it will alienate your readers or if you are cultivating mystique.  But it's all totally different if you are preparing it for wikipedia.  You can't just do one.  Gotta have fifty and one-hundered word versions.  You have to follow this list.  Any variations and your manuscript will most likely be discarded.  Above all have fun, but don't!      I unde...

The tires are hot and sticky sweet with the acrid air of the burn out.  The engine sounds great, powerful and throaty, more feeling than sound as I tap the accelerator with impatience.   My skin pulses with electricity as wait for those beeps and watch the lights change from red.  I'm ready.  Beep.  Beep.  BEEP. I'll be posting daily word counts here.  Today I stand at 21886 words.

No game could meet the pregnant expectation of 12 years of unrequited hype. Gearbox made a wise decision with their attempt to play down those expectations in the release on Duke Nukem Forever. Even with lowered expectations, the game has glaring, nearly unforgivable problems. There have been reports of obscenely long loading screens on the Xbox 360 version, and the STEAM-delivered PC version suffers from an input-locking bug that occurs between each level load that renders the game unplayable without a do-si-do of commands to get the community overlay out of the way. These are not forgivable lapses in a commercially released game, even under a normal release cycle. However, Duke Nukem himself is unique. He remains an unruffled icon of immature male sexuality, untroubled by modern conventions of manhood. Metro-sexuality does not exist in the Duke Nukem version of Earth. The arc of the action falls in perfect alignment with the arrested development of a misogynistic 14 year old ...

It takes real skill to get ALL of them wrong.